{"id":1515,"date":"2013-06-26T18:20:42","date_gmt":"2013-06-27T00:20:42","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=1515"},"modified":"2013-06-26T18:20:42","modified_gmt":"2013-06-27T00:20:42","slug":"a-tale-of-two-toilet-seats","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=1515","title":{"rendered":"A Tale of Two Toilet Seats"},"content":{"rendered":"

Oh look-y!\u00a0 The pee theme <\/a>is back!<\/p>\n

Second verse, same as the first.\u00a0 A little bit louder.\u00a0\u00a0And a little bit worse…<\/p>\n

You ever sit on a toilet seat that – unbeknownst to you – has been totally pee’d on by your son??<\/p>\n

Second.\u00a0 Most.\u00a0 Horrible.\u00a0 Feeling.\u00a0 EVER!<\/p>\n

The FIRST most horrible feeling ever??\u00a0 Sitting on a toilet seat that’s been pee’d on by a…STRANGER!!!<\/p>\n

Gaack!\u00a0\u00a0 gaaaaAAAACCCKK!!<\/p>\n

And the THIRD most horrible feeling??\u00a0 Sitting on a toilet\u00a0after the dog has had an excessively…er…juicy drink out of it.<\/p>\n

Now, you have to understand that my\u00a0dog has a ‘stache ten times the size of the Lorax’s.\u00a0 The MOST stuff collects IN it, and drips FROM it, at any point in time.\u00a0 When he drinks out of the toilet, it’s literally like a filthy wet mop has been WIPED all over the\u00a0seat.<\/p>\n

And as I’m sitting on the toilet seat…the excrutiatingly\u00a0wet toilet seat…I\u00a0 wonder which is worse.\u00a0\u00a0Sitting on a toilet seat covered in pee (a stranger’s or otherwise).\u00a0 Or…sitting on a toilet seat covered in everything ELSE that belongs in the toilet (E.coli, fecal matter, need I go on?) PLUS dog slobber.\u00a0\u00a0Which would you choose in this tale of two toilet seats??\u00a0 (Hint: They both feel oddly similar, yet one has more of a head game going on than the other.)<\/p>\n

Then I wonder what to DO?!?\u00a0\u00a0Besides throwing up in my mouth and swallowing it, which I’ve already done. \u00a0‘Cause REALLY?\u00a0\u00a0Where was I gonna PUT the throw up??\u00a0\u00a0I mentioned I’m already SITTING ON THE TOILET, RIGHT?!?!<\/p>\n

Should I air dry??\u00a0\u00a0Or furiously scrub a layer off my\u00a0hide, then go to the doctor for hepatitis shots?!?<\/p>\n

It makes no never mind because so far I think the New Stay at Home Mom summer is going well, don’t you??\u00a0\u00a0It’s been a bit hot though.\u00a0\u00a0And the dog has picked up this new habit of drinking “fresh” cold water out of the toilet.<\/p>\n

But…other than THAT…so far, so good.\u00a0 Yep.\u00a0 So far.\u00a0 So good.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Oh look-y!\u00a0 The pee theme is back! Second verse, same as the first.\u00a0 A little bit louder.\u00a0\u00a0And a little bit worse… You ever sit on a toilet seat that – unbeknownst to you – has been totally pee’d on by your son?? Second.\u00a0 Most.\u00a0 Horrible.\u00a0 Feeling.\u00a0 EVER! The FIRST most horrible feeling ever??\u00a0 Sitting on […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1515"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1515"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1515\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1523,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1515\/revisions\/1523"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1515"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1515"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1515"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}