Like a dutiful citizen, I trotted off yesterday to my early morning meeting for EUC (no, not hocking a loogie, just applying for Emergency Unemployment Compensation).<\/p>\n
Only to be greeted by the\u00a0unhappiest\u00a0woman in the world sitting at the desk checking everyone in.\u00a0 (Do you have all 5 things you were told to bring?!\u00a0 Yes ma’am.\u00a0 You know this will take an hour-and-a-half, right?!\u00a0 Yes ma’am.\u00a0 Then go si-down ’til they call you!\u00a0 Yes ma’am.\u00a0 Also?\u00a0 What part of dutiful citizen did you not get??\u00a0 I’ve done what I’m supposed to do.\u00a0\u00a0I’m in it to win it\u00a0so HIT ME WITH YOUR BEST SHOT!\u00a0 FIRE AWAY!!!!\u00a0\u00a0<\/em>Annnnnd – she shoots, she SCORES\u00a0with the “80’s Song for Every Moment in Life.”\u00a0 This time it’s\u00a0Pat Benatar’s “Hit Me With Your Best Shot” recorded in 1980.\u00a0 Boo-ya!)<\/p>\n I agonized over what to wear to the “appointment” and settled on\u00a0a skirt with a fun pattern and a ruffled top worn underneath a blazer.\u00a0 I was trying to strike a balance between professional, yet poor.\u00a0 On the one hand, I wanted them to know that I’ve been trying to get a job (look at me!\u00a0 who wouldn’t want to hire this whole package?!\u00a0\u00a0it’s just that there aren’t any\u00a0jobs…not that I don’t look…or look the part) but on the other hand, I wanted them to know I needed the money (the skirt’s from Costco, the blazer’s from Wal-Mart and the shirt is from last year when I had money).<\/p>\n Turns out not everyone took as much time as I did in picking out their outfit.\u00a0 One\u00a0one chick DID match her neon pink tank top to her neon pink flip-flops, but other than that, the\u00a0attire ranged from sneakers and jeans or\u00a0capris (and not the nice kind, the hiking kind with lots of pockets)…to khakis & polo shirts (guys have it so easy!).<\/p>\n So, with the mis-step on the outfit front, and cheery Miss Sunshine at the front desk, I\u00a0felt\u00a0oddly anxious as I sat down to wait.<\/p>\n Why was\u00a0I nervous?\u00a0\u00a0What\u00a0did I\u00a0think would\u00a0happen?\u00a0 Would\u00a0a\u00a0cop\u00a0show up & wrassle me to the ground and\u00a0cause me to\u00a0inadvertently flash\u00a0my underwear to everyone as my poor-yet-professional skirt flipped\u00a0up around my ears?!?<\/p>\n If he was\u00a0gonna show up and wrassle anyone to the ground, I’m hoping it would\u00a0be\u00a0the chick who sat across the way from me and who was CLEARLY going to the beach after our\u00a0EUC report-for-duty appointment wrapped up.\u00a0\u00a0Seriously.\u00a0 She had a bikini on underneath her coverup.\u00a0 I could\u00a0see the top tied at her neck.\u00a0 And she was\u00a0carrying\u00a0a HUGE Starbucks cup and the biggest Coach purse I’ve ever seen.\u00a0 Does Coach make…BEACH BAGS?!?\u00a0\u00a0Come on!\u00a0\u00a0 She wasn’t\u00a0even TRYING to look poor.\u00a0\u00a0Two things here:\u00a0 Copper, if you’re gonna wrassle anyone, totally wrassle\u00a0her, please.\u00a0 And there’s\u00a0no EATING OR DRINKING IN HERE!\u00a0\u00a0DON’T YOU SEE THE SIGNS POSTED ON EVERY AVAILABLE SURFACE?!??\u00a0\u00a0This. Means. You,\u00a0CoachPurseBeachBabe!<\/p>\n But on the bright side, I was\u00a0happy to see that there were\u00a0no crappy magazines or\u00a0(bad) free coffee of any kind being offered in the waiting room.\u00a0 Why?\u00a0 Because\u00a0I would have been PISSED if they had wasted good taxpayer money on that.\u00a0\u00a0Spending it on me is fine.\u00a0 On stupid crap that no one needs is not fine.\u00a0 But it’s only when our “instructor” showed\u00a0up that I find out what\u00a0they spent the taxpayer money on\u00a0(minus 18% budget cuts, of course).\u00a0 It’s on the nifty shirt he’s wearing,\u00a0embroidered\u00a0with the “We wanna put you back to work!” logo.\u00a0\u00a0This stuff is high-end.\u00a0 None of that crap\u00a0my multi-BILLION\u00a0dollar company used to make me wear to trade shows (one blue and two yellow shirts because yellow is SOOOO flattering on everyone.\u00a0 And all three shirts come in men’s sizes, so you gotta STUFF a yard of fabric into the legs of your khakis.\u00a0 Belted khakis aren’t\u00a0flattering to begin with and now the whole ensemble looks like you have a serious waist-and-hip disorder).<\/p>\n Despite the shirt, he seemed\u00a0nice enough (even though he WAS\u00a0single-handedly\u00a0trying to bring\u00a0white belts\u00a0back from the fashion graveyard) as he led us into our meeting room (there WAS a cop there!\u00a0 Saying things like, “All the way down to your right, please.”\u00a0 No wrasslin’ of any kind went on – so I worried for nothing.)\u00a0\u00a0But then whitebelt\u00a0reveals his true self when he yelled\u00a0at the man-who-thought-he-had-a-pen-so-declined-the-pen-offer-only-to-have-to-take-him-up-on-it-AFTER-whitebelt-put-the-pens-away.\u00a0 Crap like that would make me wanna yell at pen-dude\u00a0too, but not in front of fifteen other unemployed schmucks who are so nervous they have to keep slipping away to the bathroom.<\/p>\n It’s\u00a0after the yelling that I become\u00a0pretty certain whitebelt is\u00a0going to\u00a0make us change into gray, baggy uniforms then\u00a0lead us out to the hardpacked dirt exercise yard where we’ll have to\u00a0do jump\/pee-ing jacks and the like.\u00a0\u00a0But instead he started\u00a0this good cop (him – he’s our friend and wants us to get a job that we really, really love) bad cop (the Colorado Department of Labor) routine by telling\u00a0us an intriguing\u00a0story about the Bartender-looking-for-work and the BOSSboy.\u00a0 What!\u00a0 What??\u00a0 What’s a BOSSboy…and is there a BOSSgirl?!?\u00a0 If so, how do I get that job?<\/p>\n Turns out he’s talking about a BUSboy who the Colorado Department of Labor would decide\u00a0is not qualified to say there aren’t any bartender jobs.\u00a0 It’s only the MANAGER who can say there aren’t any jobs.\u00a0 Oh.\u00a0 Ok.\u00a0 What is going on?\u00a0 Did I accidentally stumble into bartending re-training class??<\/p>\n But it all comes right as they lead us out an hour later to the gallows\/our individual interviews.\u00a0 I’m lucky enough to have “Laura” who\u00a0tells me that once she sends my stuff off to the Bad Cops I’ll most likely\u00a0get\u00a0“disqualified” from EUC.\u00a0 She\u00a0explains in her calm, I-just-wanna-help-you voice that the\u00a0job log I had to bring\u00a0(for the last 6 weeks, I did 7; displaying 5 job contacts-per-week, I did 6) doesn’t indicate that I’ve submitted my\u00a0resume\u00a0very often.\u00a0 There have been a LOT\u00a0of conversations about jobs, but not a lot of applying.\u00a0 And furthermore?\u00a0 I will most likely\u00a0have to pay all of my regular unemployment compensation back.<\/p>\n WhhhhaaaaAAAAAAAT?!?\u00a0 WTF??!?!!!?!<\/p>\n At which point\u00a0I explained to her in my I-just-got-off-the-Tilt-a-Whirl-and-might-puke-all-over-you voice how I’m a “bit concerned” about this news.\u00a0 There aren’t very many jobs in my area-of-expertise so I’ve been trying to branch out into other areas.\u00a0 This\u00a0necessarily entails fact-finding conversations with companies about\u00a0what jobs they may or may not have that could use my skill-set in a unique\/different way.\u00a0 And when I find out they don’t HAVE jobs – or only have VOLUNTEER jobs available – I don’t give them my resume.\u00a0 D’uh!\u00a0 (No, I didn’t actually add the “d’uh” part out loud.\u00a0 I’m not THAT stupid<\/em>.)<\/p>\n Nope.\u00a0 Nothin’ doin’.\u00a0 She won’t change her stance.<\/p>\n So, gut shot, with\u00a0my entrails leaking from between my fingers as I try valiantly\u00a0to hold them in (the\u00a0slippery sumbitches!),\u00a0I left\u00a0Laura’s\u00a0office wishing\u00a0there had\u00a0been more wrasslin’.\u00a0 I coulda\u00a0handled the wrasslin’.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Like a dutiful citizen, I trotted off yesterday to my early morning meeting for EUC (no, not hocking a loogie, just applying for Emergency Unemployment Compensation). Only to be greeted by the\u00a0unhappiest\u00a0woman in the world sitting at the desk checking everyone in.\u00a0 (Do you have all 5 things you were told to bring?!\u00a0 Yes ma’am.\u00a0 […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1481"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1481"}],"version-history":[{"count":9,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1481\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1494,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1481\/revisions\/1494"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1481"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1481"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1481"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}