A few words of advice…<\/p>\n
If you’re gonna participate in an “away” soccer tournament (four hours through the mountains of Colorado and down the other side where the landscape looks like you traveled to a whole ‘nother PLANET!), please make sure it’s not going to rain THE ENTIRE TIME!<\/p>\n
Oh – and also?\u00a0 Please make sure you don’t…uh…SUCK!!!<\/p>\n
To the parents of the other girls on the team:\u00a0when I say “suck”\u00a0I’m not referring to your daughter.\u00a0\u00a0 Nor am I necessarily referring to mine.<\/p>\n
In general, I’m referring to the weird team dynamic that caused the girls to take what was essentially a great, hard-fought season – and a worthy battle in the\u00a0first game of the tourney – and completely\u00a0lose their soccer marbles\u00a0and\u00a0basically blow chunks every game thereafter.<\/p>\n
I mean, come on!\u00a0 You parents were right there with me when I suggested that WE take the field to “show ’em how it’s done!”\u00a0 Granted, we would have looked a little “off” in what would have been blue, too-tight belly shirts, but we could have shown them the error of their ways.\u00a0 Pass.\u00a0 Talk.\u00a0 Defend.\u00a0 Run fast.\u00a0 Go to the ball.\u00a0 Be aggressive.\u00a0 B-E aggressive.\u00a0 B-E A-G-G-R-E-S-S-I-V-E!\u00a0 NO MORE SWIMMING IN THE HOTEL POOL DURING “BREAKS”!!\u00a0 And don’t get bit by any more mosquitoes WHILE ON THE SOCCER FIELD because now you have weird malarial symptoms and warm, red bumps everywhere.<\/p>\n
Gaaaah!!!\u00a0 Really, when they make those lists of “Life Stressors”\u00a0– along with “Job Loss” on the top 5 – they need to add “Soccer Tournaments.”\u00a0 More\u00a0specifically, “Watching your daughter play goalie the entire time the team is LOSING\u00a0a Soccer Tournament ON ANOTHER PLANET!”\u00a0 Seriously, there is nothing more stressful than that.<\/p>\n
I’m not really even sure how they<\/strong><\/em> lost\u00a0the tournament.\u00a0 I<\/strong><\/em> did everything right.\u00a0 I got a hotel room for two nights.\u00a0 I bought every meal out.\u00a0 I bought two tanks of gas.\u00a0 I packed the entire house and all worldly snacks into the car.\u00a0 I cobbled together a dog-sitting scenario for the puppy we had to leave behind.\u00a0 I bought the blue hair chalk and applied it to my daughter’s head before every game.\u00a0 I wore the blue rally nail polish and had her do the same.\u00a0 I dressed in super cute outfits because somehow they were keeping the rain\u00a0at bay DURING the games.\u00a0 I yelled insanely from the sidelines.\u00a0 I drank with the other parents every night.\u00a0 What more do you want from me, Soccer Gods?!!?<\/p>\n Oh.\u00a0 Ok.\u00a0 Speaking of insane.\u00a0 I’m kinda sounding that way right now, aren’t I?!<\/p>\n And what’s that you say??\u00a0 It’s not even about ME?!??!<\/p>\n Well, that’s weird.\u00a0 But ok.\u00a0 I’ll stop.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" A few words of advice… If you’re gonna participate in an “away” soccer tournament (four hours through the mountains of Colorado and down the other side where the landscape looks like you traveled to a whole ‘nother PLANET!), please make sure it’s not going to rain THE ENTIRE TIME! Oh – and also?\u00a0 Please make […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1361"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1361"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1361\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1367,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1361\/revisions\/1367"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1361"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1361"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1361"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}