{"id":1318,"date":"2013-05-13T09:06:34","date_gmt":"2013-05-13T15:06:34","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=1318"},"modified":"2013-05-13T09:06:34","modified_gmt":"2013-05-13T15:06:34","slug":"tennis-update","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=1318","title":{"rendered":"Tennis Update"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Here’s an update for ya.\u00a0 I SUCK AT TENNIS!<\/p>\n

I now have tennis elbow and my first match went for TWO AND A HALF HOURS!\u00a0 When I got home after 11 pm that night, my husband was asking all these sly questions about where I’d been nudge, nudge, wink, wink<\/em>.<\/p>\n

I’VE BEEN PLAYING TENNIS FOR TWO AND A HALF HOURS!\u00a0 AND THERE WAS NO BEER OR WINE AFTERWARDS!!!\u00a0 (yes, it was very shout-y; just like it’s typed here.)<\/p>\n

I believe\u00a0the match went so long because there was so much discussion about how the Komen tie-break worked.\u00a0 (I never paid attention to it during practice because it was WAY too much math and I thought for sure it would never happen to me!)\u00a0 And there was also a teeeensy weeeeensy bit of\u00a0discussion about why my partner was receiving EVERY\u00a0served ball.\u00a0 At some point she and I spontaneously started switching sides left-and-right rather than moving backward and forward to receive the opponents’ serves.\u00a0 We didn’t realize it until the other team pointed it out (“Have you been receiving the ball this WHOLE time??”).\u00a0 It sent me into a fit of giggles THEN which also took up some time.\u00a0 And every time I think about it, it sends me into a fit of giggles AGAIN.\u00a0 Heeeee heee hee.\u00a0 TEEEEEEEE HEEE HEEEEEE……..<\/p>\n

My second match lasted for a LOT less time.\u00a0 Because we lost both games.\u00a0 Was I supposed to give someone my score on that?\u00a0 Because I just walked away and went home.\u00a0 Oh well.<\/p>\n

But before the game was done,\u00a0my partner tried to pull the same crazy switch-sides-left-and-right-rather-than-move-back-and-forth thing on me.\u00a0 But I wasn’t falling for her tricks.\u00a0 And I told her so.\u00a0 Then I started giggling like a loon and when it was my turn up-at-bat\u00a0I was giggling so much I started sucking wind on my serves, over thinking them, then sucking EVEN MORE wind and was faulting and double faulting everywhere.\u00a0 After that set was over I apologized to her\u00a0(she\u00a0is really such a kind and lovely women except when she’s trying to make me switch sides with her at inappropriate times) about how badly I suck at tennis.\u00a0 She said that was ok and no need to apologize since it’s just a game, we’re just learning etc. etc.\u00a0 (See?\u00a0 Lovely.)\u00a0\u00a0She then asked if I had noticed that she was standing back there with me the whole time I was serving?!\u00a0 Apparently she forgot to stand up by the net where she was supposed to be.\u00a0 Methinks someone else might be a little sucky, sucky at tennis too.<\/p>\n

And in my most recent tennis practice, the pro was talking about tracking and angles.\u00a0 OMG!\u00a0 We’ve graduated to GEOMETRY!!!!\u00a0\u00a0I AM HERE TO PLAY TENNIS NOT TO DO MATH!!!!\u00a0 GAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!<\/p>\n

So\u00a0to block out of the tennismatholympics,\u00a0I started paying\u00a0WAY too much attention to everyone’s shoes.\u00a0\u00a0 I’m now seriously convinced that I’m wearing MEN’S size 10.5 shoes, instead of women’s.\u00a0 I’ve checked the shoe box they came in three times so far to make sure I didn’t accidentally buy men’s shoes.\u00a0 But the box still claims to be women’s shoes.\u00a0 Which is impossible.\u00a0 Everyone else has reasonably sized feet.\u00a0 Trust me –\u00a0I spent the ENTIRE last practice\u00a0surreptitiously checking them out.\u00a0 And the official report is that NO ONE’S feet are as big as mine.\u00a0 No one’s.\u00a0 Mine\u00a0look like those floaty boat shoes that folks wear in America’s Funniest Home videos.\u00a0 The ones where they’re trying to walk on the water using poles for balance??\u00a0\u00a0You know, the ones where the\u00a0whole boat-shoe-balance-poles arrangement\u00a0never works?\u00a0\u00a0And\u00a0the floaty, boat shoe person ALWAYS takes a nosedive into the drink?!?\u00a0\u00a0Yeah.\u00a0\u00a0Those shoes.<\/p>\n

And while I don’t walk around with two poles (usually), I do look like I’m about to take a nosedive AT ANY MOMENT because I’m precariously perched on my massive this-plan-is-NEVER-gonna-work floating boat shoes.\u00a0\u00a0Also?\u00a0\u00a0My\u00a0feet sweat like a sumbitch.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Here’s an update for ya.\u00a0 I SUCK AT TENNIS! I now have tennis elbow and my first match went for TWO AND A HALF HOURS!\u00a0 When I got home after 11 pm that night, my husband was asking all these sly questions about where I’d been nudge, nudge, wink, wink. I’VE BEEN PLAYING TENNIS FOR […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1318"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1318"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1318\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1325,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1318\/revisions\/1325"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1318"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1318"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1318"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}