{"id":1302,"date":"2013-05-10T09:31:08","date_gmt":"2013-05-10T15:31:08","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=1302"},"modified":"2013-05-10T09:31:08","modified_gmt":"2013-05-10T15:31:08","slug":"worst-mothers-day-celebration","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=1302","title":{"rendered":"Worst Mother’s Day Celebration"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Hey!\u00a0 You wanna know what the WORST Mother’s Day Celebration idea is that I’ve\u00a0come across?!\u00a0\u00a0Ever in the history of man-and-woman-kind??<\/p>\n

The mothers vs. sons football game and cook-out we have planned with my son’s football team for this week-end.<\/p>\n

See?\u00a0 You agree, don’t you?!\u00a0 Worst.\u00a0 Idea.\u00a0 Ever.<\/p>\n

Not only do I know ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about\u00a0football.\u00a0 But it’s the LAST thing I want to be doing for Mother’s Day.\u00a0 Rip my fingernails off?\u00a0 Sure – count me in!\u00a0 Poke my eyes out with sharp sticks?\u00a0 Absolutely – wouldn’t miss it!<\/p>\n

Football with monkeys?\u00a0 As a special treat for ME?!?\u00a0 To celebrate MY day???\u00a0 And as added incentive I get to\u00a0cook hotdogs outside for the monkeys afterwards AND bring\u00a0TWO DOZEN CUPCAKES??\u00a0 GAAAAAHHHH!!!!\u00a0\u00a0 Suckiest suckiness from sucktown ever to suck….SUCKITY, SUCK, SUCKS!!!<\/p>\n

But on the bright side, it will be FLAG football.\u00a0 Not full-on tackle or anything totally stupid like that.\u00a0 But do they even make flag belts big enough for moms’ waists?\u00a0 On a 9-year-old boy, the flag belts look like hula skirts with mange.\u00a0 On me?\u00a0 It’s gonna look like a demented loin cloth that doesn’t cover any loin.\u00a0 At all.<\/p>\n

And if we’re skipping the flag belts altogether and going straight to “touch” football??\u00a0 I’m afraid.\u00a0 Very afraid.\u00a0 I’ve seen my son’s “touch” football and it\u00a0strongly resembles everyone else’s “tackle” football.\u00a0 AND he’s gonna be gunnin’ for me.<\/p>\n

So a bit of\u00a0motherly advice\u00a0here: run fast, don’t look back, keep going even if you feel his fetid breath on your neck.\u00a0\u00a0I’ll be\u00a0at the corner bar when it’s all over –\u00a0God willing.\u00a0 Happy Mother’s Day to me!<\/p>\n

AND…HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY TO ALL; AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!!!<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Hey!\u00a0 You wanna know what the WORST Mother’s Day Celebration idea is that I’ve\u00a0come across?!\u00a0\u00a0Ever in the history of man-and-woman-kind?? The mothers vs. sons football game and cook-out we have planned with my son’s football team for this week-end. See?\u00a0 You agree, don’t you?!\u00a0 Worst.\u00a0 Idea.\u00a0 Ever. Not only do I know ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about\u00a0football.\u00a0 […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1302"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1302"}],"version-history":[{"count":9,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1302\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1316,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1302\/revisions\/1316"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1302"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1302"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1302"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}