I was coming home from a volunteer breakfast at school (’cause I’m a volunteer there…and I like breakfast – which was free.\u00a0 And I especially like free breakfasts, whether I’m a volunteer or not).<\/p>\n
And I saw a restaurant sign that was advertising Snow Crab Legs.<\/p>\n
You know what my problem is??\u00a0 I don’t like Snow Crab Legs.\u00a0 You know why?\u00a0 Because they\u00a0remind me too much of spiders.\u00a0 It’s like people eating giant spiders.\u00a0 But just their legs.\u00a0 (The spiders’ legs; not the people’s.)<\/p>\n
But what if people really DID eat\u00a0spiders?\u00a0 But just their legs??<\/p>\n
We’d have to be really, reaaaalllly small to do that.\u00a0 At which point we’d basically be fairy-sized.\u00a0 Which means it would\u00a0be\u00a0like fairies getting together and cooking up a mess of spider legs and sitting down at\u00a0brown-paper-covered tables with little napkins shoved into the tops of their\u00a0gauzy-yet-shredded-at-the-bottom\u00a0fairy dresses.\u00a0 Chowing down on spider legs.\u00a0\u00a0Dippin’ ’em in butter and crap.\u00a0 Laughing and drinking fairy beers.<\/p>\n
You know what ELSE my problem is??<\/p>\n
THAT I’M EVEN THINKING ABOUT FAIRIES EATING SPIDER LEGS!!!<\/p>\n
I gotta get a job, already!<\/p>\n
P.S. The whole fairies-eating-spider-legs is a ridiculous idea in the first place because 1)Spiders are a b**ch to catch.\u00a0 And 2)Butter stains\u00a0on gauze are\u00a0a pain in the a$$ to get out.\u00a0 And 3)It’s hard to drink fairy beer because they don’t make the bottles that small.\u00a0 Instead you’d have to store fairy beer in kegs.\u00a0 Little kegs.\u00a0 And then get even littler mugs to serve it in.\u00a0 And let’s not forget reason #4.\u00a0 FAIRIES DON’T EXIST!!!\u00a0 Much like my job.\u00a0 Ok…this is going nowhere fast.\u00a0 I gotta stop now!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I was coming home from a volunteer breakfast at school (’cause I’m a volunteer there…and I like breakfast – which was free.\u00a0 And I especially like free breakfasts, whether I’m a volunteer or not). And I saw a restaurant sign that was advertising Snow Crab Legs. You know what my problem is??\u00a0 I don’t like […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1238"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1238"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1238\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1253,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1238\/revisions\/1253"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1238"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1238"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1238"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}