I found my power as a mother yesterday.\u00a0 In an unexpected place.<\/p>\n
We had to take new puppy’s fresh poop sample in for giardia testing.\u00a0 He had giardia (some nasty intestinal thing you get when you eat yours\/some other creature’s poop.\u00a0 Or just living here in CO will do it to you as well).\u00a0 He had antibiotics.\u00a0 Then we test again after a period of time\u00a0to make sure all the giardia eggs\/spores\/whatever are\u00a0gone – thus the need for the fresh poop sample.<\/p>\n
This poop sample due date dovetailed with the start of Spring Break for Sissy and Sonny\u00a0(which will be a STAYcation for us this year since I – uh – don’t HAVE A JOB.\u00a0 Thanks for bringing it up), so they were home when the fresh poop appeared and the sample was swooped up and bottled.\u00a0 And this is where my power began (mwa ha ha – evil laugh).<\/p>\n
You see, you can pretty much make your kids do ANYTHING you want\u00a0when you’re holding a fresh poop sample.\u00a0 Especially when the poop container is\u00a0most likely tightly closed, but might\u00a0still be leaking scent.\u00a0 And the warm poop has begun to fog up the container’s interior.<\/p>\n
“Get in the car!\u00a0 We’re going!!”\u00a0 Rustle, rustle, scramble.\u00a0 The kids are in the car, buckled, waiting for me by the time I arrive.\u00a0 Fastest getting-in-the-car process in the history of our family.\u00a0 Ever.\u00a0\u00a0[hmmmm…interesting]<\/p>\n
Because the ride is all of 10 minutes, naturally they have to get the “bugging\u00a0each other” portion of the event\u00a0started right away – which consists of\u00a0poking and swiping\u00a0at each other from buckled positions.\u00a0 This\u00a0starts as soon as\u00a0we pull out of the driveway.<\/p>\n
“Stop TOUCHING each other!\u00a0 It’s gonna go bad soon and then you’ll be in trouble and Spring Break just STARTED!” I say (in a shout-y sort of way.\u00a0 Lenten Promise Mom left a long time ago.\u00a0 Her work here was done).\u00a0\u00a0I swing the hand holding the poop sample around to the back seat.\u00a0 Both kids pull back\u00a0from the container\u00a0like zombies recoiling from a\u00a0flaming torch.\u00a0 [hmmmm…VERY interesting…POWER!!!<\/strong><\/em>]<\/p>\n Simultaneous to the\u00a0poop container slash flaming torch scenario, the kids are also talking about wanting to see the new movie that’s out.\u00a0 As they describe it, it sounds fairly dumb.\u00a0 It’s animated and\u00a0it’s the kind of movie that uses the phrase\u00a0“filled with pratfalls and hi-jinks” to describe itself.\u00a0 And we all know that any movie that uses “pratfalls” and “hi-jinks” to describe itself\u00a0is pretty much\u00a0GUARANTEED to blow chunks.<\/p>\n My “we’ll see if we can fit that in next week” doesn’t inspire confidence so they move on to another topic.\u00a0 Sissy has gotten the brilliant idea to come up with as many alternative words for poop as possible:<\/p>\n Sissy: “Poop.\u00a0 Poo.\u00a0 BM.\u00a0 Pies.”<\/p>\n Sonny: “No!\u00a0 PIES?!”<\/p>\n Me:\u00a0 “Yes, I suppose.\u00a0 As in cow pies.” [why am I even PARTICIPATING IN THIS?]<\/p>\n Sonny: “Penis.”<\/p>\n Me:\u00a0 “NO!\u00a0\u00a0Not even close.\u00a0 Stop it.”<\/p>\n Sonny: “Diarrhea.\u00a0 Bowl winder.\u00a0 Toilet snake.\u00a0 Poop bridge.”<\/p>\n Me: “Ok.\u00a0 I’m not sure those are actual terms anyone uses.\u00a0 How about ‘stool’?” [WHY AM I PARTICIPATING IN THIS???!]<\/p>\n Sonny:\u00a0 “What?!\u00a0 Stool??\u00a0 Mom, that’s dumb.”<\/p>\n Sissy:\u00a0 “Hey!\u00a0 I know!!\u00a0 Let’s come up with other names for throw-up!” [variations-on-a-theme I see.]\u00a0 “How about puke, toss-your-cookies, vomit and throw-up.\u00a0 Well, that’s about it.”\u00a0 [Ok, I’m for sure NOT participating in THIS conversation.\u00a0 Otherwise I’d add “blow chunks” to the list.]<\/p>\n Me:\u00a0 “Look!\u00a0 We’re here\u00a0at the vet.\u00a0 Sissy, can you please run this in??”\u00a0\u00a0(Sissy wants to be a veterinarian.\u00a0 Which means I can make her\u00a0do just about any dog-related activity I want if I use the phrase\u00a0“well, you’ll need to get used to doing this if you want to be a vet.”\u00a0 At which\u00a0point she promptly complies.\u00a0 Even to the point of taking up “the torch” in the form of the poop sample container.)<\/p>\n While she’s gone,\u00a0Sonny\u00a0– who remains intrigued with the way our vet tested the new puppy’s ears\u00a0for infection BY SMELLING THEM.\u00a0\u00a0THOROUGHLY AND REPEATEDLY\u00a0– poses the question, “what if vets had to test for giardia by putting the poop in their mouth??” He then promptly\u00a0descends into maniacal laughter.<\/p>\n Sissy is\u00a0back shortly and a round of the “do-your-hands-smell?” game ensues.\u00a0 (You know that game, right?\u00a0 You pretend YOUR hands smell and then you ask the other person – ohhhh, say for example someone who’s been holding a\u00a0poop sample container<\/em> – if THEIR hands smell.\u00a0 When they go to smell their hands, you smash their hand into their nose.\u00a0 That’s a fun game, right??)\u00a0 Except in THIS version, we’ve skipped the making-the-other-person-smack-herself and we’ve just gone straight to smacking her\u00a0directly.<\/p>\n And alas.\u00a0 I turned in my “power” at the vet’s office.\u00a0\u00a0So I don’t even try to intervene.\u00a0 But it occurs to me\u00a0during the ride home that\u00a0this Spring\u00a0Break STAYcation is going to be FILLED with “pratfalls and hi-jinks.”\u00a0\u00a0I’m going to need a LOT of poop sample containers to get\u00a0me through.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I found my power as a mother yesterday.\u00a0 In an unexpected place. We had to take new puppy’s fresh poop sample in for giardia testing.\u00a0 He had giardia (some nasty intestinal thing you get when you eat yours\/some other creature’s poop.\u00a0 Or just living here in CO will do it to you as well).\u00a0 He […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1082"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1082"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1082\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1087,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1082\/revisions\/1087"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1082"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1082"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1082"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}