…………………………………………………..<\/p>\n
To set the scene:\u00a0 Daughter had a Sock Hop Sunday night.\u00a0 I checked around with all the neighbors to see if they had a poodle skirt we could\u00a0borrow.\u00a0 Bust.\u00a0 I checked with various same-sized-daughter friends to see if they had a poodle skirt we could\u00a0borrow.\u00a0 Bust.\u00a0 I traveled to D.C. for\u00a0my mother’s birthday party and in the process raided TWO nieces’ closets in the hopes of finding a\u00a0poodle skirt.\u00a0 Big FAT FLIPPIN’ BUST!!!!<\/p>\n
Duh-duh-duh-daaaaah.\u00a0 Not to fear!\u00a0 Least crafty mom is here!!<\/p>\n
“Hey,\u00a0I have TIME!\u00a0 AND an MBA…I’ll\u00a0make\u00a0a\u00a0poodle skirt.\u00a0 How hard can it be?!\u00a0 I’m sure there’s something on the internet I can use.”<\/em><\/p>\n Turns out people BLOG about poodle skirts.\u00a0 Super.\u00a0 Easy.\u00a0 Poodle skirts!!!\u00a0 No less than a dozen blogs later and I still can’t figure out how the math symbol PI has anything to do with anything and I’m busy collecting\u00a0the parts of my brain that juiced\u00a0out of my ears after my head imploded.\u00a0 WHY IS THERE SO MUCH MATH INVOLVED IN MAKING A CIRCLE SKIRT?!??!\u00a0 Screw you, CIRCUMFERENCE!\u00a0 AND the horse you rode in on!!!<\/p>\n And all you poodle skirt bloggers out there?\u00a0 GET JOBS!\u00a0 You SUCK!!!<\/p>\n Because it turns out that taking a waist measurement and dividing it by 4 and then cutting out a waistmeasurementdividedby4\u00a0smaller circle on top of the howlongyouwanttheskirttohang bigger circle (which is already too short because I cut it out using a big, dumb, jerry-rigged protractor on the short side of the fabric instead of the LONG side.\u00a0\u00a0GAAAAHHhhh!)\u00a0doesn’t ACTUALLY RESULT\u00a0in an appropriately sized, no-sew waist.\u00a0 It results in a waist that slips down over the head and keeps right on going to the floor where it lands with a plop and looks like the waist of a Christmas Tree skirt!!!!\u00a0 At which point the easy, no-sew skirt becomes\u00a0the massive sewing project of the century.<\/p>\n Poodle applique: $3.78 (using a 40% off coupon at Jo-Anns)<\/p>\n Ribbon: $0.58 (full-price.\u00a0 Screw it.\u00a0 I can’t be bothered to find a coupon for 50 cents)<\/p>\n Felt: $4.02 (40% off coupon at Jo-Anns.\u00a0 Separate trip from the poodle applique trip.\u00a0 BLEEEEEEP!)<\/p>\n Elastic waistband: \u00a0$3.93 (40% off coupon at Jo-Anns.\u00a0 Yes, a THIRD trip for this crap.\u00a0 AND?\u00a0 They wouldn’t honor my 50% off coupon because THIS\u00a0WASN’T CONSIDERED A FABRIC!!!)<\/p>\n Thread: $1.46 (25% off entire purchase.\u00a0 ALSO purchased at Jo-Anns.\u00a0 Don’t even say it.\u00a0 I’m warning you.)<\/p>\n My time:\u00a0 5 HOURS\/$250 (5 hours x\u00a0the $50 per hour I COULD have been making as a Principal Product Marketing Manager and MBA graduate)<\/p>\n % of brain now missing:\u00a0 99%<\/p>\n I could have just gone to the party store and BOUGHT a #%-#^*& poodle skirt for all the time and trouble it’s taken me to make one.<\/p>\n And the best part?\u00a0 The f*#^ing thing was SEE-THROUGH!!!\u00a0 So I had to run to Kohl’s and get a slip.\u00a0 Gawd, I LOVE Kohl’s.\u00a0 The slip cost $15.00 but I had $10 in Kohl’s cash (oh, no reason I had Kohl’s cash.\u00a0 None.\u00a0 Stop asking.).\u00a0 And I had a 30% off coupon that expired last week BUT WHICH THEY HONORED ANYWAY!\u00a0 So that whole effort cost me $3.78.\u00a0 Have I mentioned that I LOVE YOU, Kohl’s?!\u00a0 Pay no attention to anything previously stated about you here<\/a> or here<\/a> or even here<\/a>.<\/p>\n After I helped\u00a0my daughter into her skirt (which we couldn’t pull UP over her soccer-player thighs because there was something really, really wrong with the no-sew\u00a0waistband [which I renamed “the waistband of tears which had to be sewed anyway”]<\/em> – so we had to pull it DOWN over her head with the usage of circus-freak\u00a0contortions of her upper body while\u00a0lots of weird ripping noises came\u00a0from the waistband-of-tears-which-had-to-be-sewed-anyway), she said, “Wow, Mom!\u00a0 You should make clothes for people.”<\/p>\n Uh.\u00a0 No.\u00a0 I shouldn’t.\u00a0 The mirror, mirror\u00a0doesn’t lie.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Me:\u00a0 Mirror, Mirror, on the wall…who is the LEAST crafty mom of\u00a0all? Mirror:\u00a0 YOU ARE,\u00a0NEW STAY AT HOME MOM! ………………………………………………….. To set the scene:\u00a0 Daughter had a Sock Hop Sunday night.\u00a0 I checked around with all the neighbors to see if they had a poodle skirt we could\u00a0borrow.\u00a0 Bust.\u00a0 I checked with various same-sized-daughter friends […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1050"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1050"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1050\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1065,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1050\/revisions\/1065"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1050"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1050"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1050"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}![\"\"](\"http:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/03\/poodle-skirt12-225x300.jpg\" "\\"poodle")
<\/a>Here’s the net damage…<\/p>\n