So the kids got their yearbooks yesterday – and my daughter’s came home FILLED with messages to ‘HAGS’. (“HAGS, it was fun sitting next to you this year.”…Or…”HAGS, you’re a great friend!” etc. etc.)
“OMG! HAVE THEY BEEN CALLING HER HAGS ALL YEAR?!?,” I wondered to myself. How could she even POSSIBLY have gotten this nickname?!!! If we were voting, I’d vote her the LEAST likely to be a hag. (If we were voting for ME? That would be a whole ‘nother story.) But children can be soooo CRUEL! ‘HAGS’?? That’s a TERRIBLE nickname! How did they even come up with it?!??
And THEN I thought, “Wait! Maybe it’s not HER nickname. OMG! Did she accidentally pick up Jack HAGAN’S yearbook?!??!” (And maybe HIS nickname is ‘HAGS’ which would make way more sense. But he’s her arch-nemesis and it’s gonna be total death to have to trade yearbooks back with him.)
So, I created this whole scenario in my head about what was going on with her yearbook. And I convinced myself it was totally true.
You know what it reminded me of? It reminded me of that time I lost my diamond tennis bracelet and, after searching fruitlessly for it everywhere, I convinced myself that I had accidentally EATEN it when I was eating a piece of watermelon (which was the last time I remember wearing it. The piece of watermelon happened to be in a watermelon margarita. So that may have had something to do with the super bizarre bracelet-eating scenario I came up with. But don’t fear. I eventually found the bracelet in the parking lot of the restaurant where I had been eating the watermelon. Suddenly the “finding the lost bracelet in the parking lot of the restaurant” version of the story made WAY more sense than the “I accidentally scarfed down seven-and-a-half inches of diamonds and gold along with my booze soaked watermelon” version.) Oopsie! Tee hee hee. [nervous laughter]
Whatever. But at the time, I forgot about this tendency I have wherein I create totally fictional scenarios in my head and then CONVINCE myself that they’re absolutely true.
Instead – knowing full well everyone calls Jack ‘HAGS’ and that we have his yearbook in our possession, I approach my daughter to break the bad news, “Sweetie, I think you accidentally picked up Jack Hagan’s yearbook.”
She responded appropriately with a screeching, “whhhAAAAATTTTTT?!??”
ME: “I know, Sweetie. I know. We’ll just have to figure out how to get yours back from him.”
HER: [narrowing her eyes at me] “Wait. Mom. Why do you think it’s his?”
ME: [getting nervous now. I couldn’t possibly be WRONG here. This is the absolute correct and true scenario. I’m SURE it’s the real scenario. Yet why am I getting nervous tee hee hee…] “Well – all of the messages are addressed to him – HAGS.”
HER: [infusing the following with all the exasperation a 10-year-old can possibly convey to someone who is hopelessly out-of-the-loop] “Mom, do you even KNOW what HAGS means?!??!”
ME: “Teee heeee heeee….mmmm…it’s Jack Hagan’s nickname. Right???”
HER: “Uhn. MOM! It MEANS ‘Have A Great Summer!'”
ME: “Oh, yeah. That makes WAY more sense.” [Ooopsie! Tee hee hee. Well, that’s a relief! Hee hee hee. LOL on that one!]
P.S. Mom, do you even KNOW what LOL means?!? Nope…not “Lots of Love.” Keep trying. 😉