When I was in my early teens, my friend Carrie would come for a visit during the summer. We would go to the library and get enough Harlequin Romances to last us the whole week. (We would also do hairstyles and make prank phone calls – back when you COULD make prank phone calls – so that tells you what we considered a perfect storm of fun!)
And one summer, having read every Harlequin-there-was-in-the-library-that-had-a-cheesy-70’s-cover-on-it (and some even twice) we decided to branch out and WRITE our OWN Harlequin Romance. But really more of a parody of one – because even at that tender age we knew that love doesn’t actually happen the way it did in those books.
The hero of the story was the state governor. (Hey, if they’re not some English Lord, they have to be a high-ranking government official. It’s the law of 70’s Harlequin Romances.) His name was Dirk or Lance (we never quite settled on which one). And being kind-hearted under his brusque, manly exterior, when he assumed office, he wanted to “see how the common man lived” by trying out a variety of public servant jobs. He was in the midst of a stint as a firefighter, when he met the heroine during a house fire. It was the middle of the night. She was in her nightie (gasp!) watching her low-rent apartment go down in flames. (Naturally there has to be an exciting “rescue” scene right up front in order to get this true-love couple together. It’s the law.)
And that’s as far as we got. The story never got written (beyond that first paragraph) because we spent so much time agonizing over the heroine’s name. So that by the time we decided on a name, our visit was over and Carrie had to go home.
Don’t keep you in suspense, you say? What WAS the heroine’s name, you ask??
Purity Perfect. That was the heroine’s name in our Harlequin Romance Parody. And if you know anything about Harlequin Romances from the 70’s, then you would agree with me that this was the most perfectly named heroine of all time.
Cut. It. Out!
Grace Gold?!? You HAVE to be kidding me with a name like this! Have you heard of her? What if I told you she’s tall and slender and has a goldenish bun on her noggin’ that only Cinderella has been able to pull off until now. She wears a flirty little dress and dances to music. On ice. And just made the American Women’s Ice-skating Team.
Yes, Grace Gold is going to the Sochi Winter Olympics.
Grace Gold? Case closed.
And if we could all be so aptly named as to completely reflect our destiny, my name would be “Fun stay at home mom megabucks craftykins queen-with-green-eyes.”
What? What’s that look for?! Don’t give me that look. Why, what would YOUR name be?