You know what my problem is…

I was coming home from a volunteer breakfast at school (’cause I’m a volunteer there…and I like breakfast – which was free.  And I especially like free breakfasts, whether I’m a volunteer or not).

And I saw a restaurant sign that was advertising Snow Crab Legs.

You know what my problem is??  I don’t like Snow Crab Legs.  You know why?  Because they remind me too much of spiders.  It’s like people eating giant spiders.  But just their legs.  (The spiders’ legs; not the people’s.)

But what if people really DID eat spiders?  But just their legs??

We’d have to be really, reaaaalllly small to do that.  At which point we’d basically be fairy-sized.  Which means it would be like fairies getting together and cooking up a mess of spider legs and sitting down at brown-paper-covered tables with little napkins shoved into the tops of their gauzy-yet-shredded-at-the-bottom fairy dresses.  Chowing down on spider legs.  Dippin’ ’em in butter and crap.  Laughing and drinking fairy beers.

You know what ELSE my problem is??

THAT I’M EVEN THINKING ABOUT FAIRIES EATING SPIDER LEGS!!!

I gotta get a job, already!

P.S. The whole fairies-eating-spider-legs is a ridiculous idea in the first place because 1)Spiders are a b**ch to catch.  And 2)Butter stains on gauze are a pain in the a$$ to get out.  And 3)It’s hard to drink fairy beer because they don’t make the bottles that small.  Instead you’d have to store fairy beer in kegs.  Little kegs.  And then get even littler mugs to serve it in.  And let’s not forget reason #4.  FAIRIES DON’T EXIST!!!  Much like my job.  Ok…this is going nowhere fast.  I gotta stop now!

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