What does the dog say?

Let’s review: An elephant goes toot and fish go blub. And the fox? The fox says, Ring-ding-ding-ding-dingeringerdinge.

Mwa-ha-ha! [evil laugh] I did that just to get that annoying song back in your head. Did it work?

Wa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-paw! How ‘bout now?! Isn’t it fun the way we joke around with each other?!

Anyway. Where I was really going with all of this is that my dog doesn’t simply say, “woof!” as stated in that song.

In fact, he has a voice. Or rather, I have a voice I use for my dog. I have – in my head – a voice that sounds the way I think my dog would sound. If he could talk. Because really, who DOESN’T think their dog can talk? At least secretly. In their head.

Naw! That didn’t sound too Son-of-Sam insane. In which case, I’ll further admit that I actually have two voices for the dog.

When I’m feeling charitable towards the dog, his voice sounds something like a Leprechaun on speed, “Gosh and begorah! I gotta rid the entire backyard of rabbits, Mum! Lemmeout, lemmeout!! I’m playing the role of St. Paddy with the rabbits, dontchyaknow?! Drivin’ ‘em out o’ the land! Lemmeout, lemmeout!!”

But on most days the dog’s voice is startlingly close to Lenny’s voice. When he’s asking George about the rabbits. For the umpteenth time, “Tell me about the rabbits, George.”

My daughter on the other hand just makes the dog sound like a lispy four-year-old. Cute, but not fully capable. Of anything.

And my son? My son doesn’t necessarily have a “voice” for the dog. He just refers to him as: The Dog Who Will One Day Forge the Bacon Sword. Which is a whole thing I can’t get into now. Let’s just suffice to say that bacon is the dog’s destiny. He LOVES bacon. Case in point? For the time it’s taken me to write this blog, the dog has been out in the kitchen whining at the last piece of breakfast bacon. I’ve included a picture for your viewing pleasure. See the bacon? On that plate shoved waaaaaaaaay in the back?!? Yeah. He wants it. That’s the one he loves. That’s the one he gots ta have. He loves bacon! Tell me about the bacon, George. Baconbaconbacon!!!