Microwave Instructions

Why did we never make it clear to our 5th grade daughter that you don’t put metal in the microwave?!

It was so obvious.  Yet I suppose it went unspoken.  Yet why didn’t she notice that we never did it?  Yet why didn’t we just simply mention it during one of the 50 gazillion times we’ve put something in the microwave?!?

Gah!!!  Is there a time for a coming-into-womanhood talk about how to use the microwave that I/we missed??

Oy.  All I know is that I literally saw a nuclear cloud go up in my microwave last night as my daughter was re-heating her bean and cheese burrito left over from Chipolte’s.  It was still wrapped in aluminum foil.

I’ve only heard that zipping/zapping noise once before (it sounds kindof like lightening, yet smaller and in your kitchen…or maybe like a power line downed by a tree branch that’s arcing electricity into the night).  That “once before” was when my little sister put my wedding-china-with-the-gold-rim into the microwave to warm up her dinner.  Oy is right!!  She must have missed the coming-into-womanhood microwave talk too!!  (Winky face and hi, Sissy!!!)

As I went screaming towards the microwave (keeping my head low because I had visions of the microwave door blowing off its hinges into my lily-white face), everyone else just sat there.  Literally sat there.  With mouths agape.  No joke on the agape part.  How many times in your life do you literally see mouths agape?!?  Except my daughter.  She started to cry and run upstairs because she instinctively knew that it typically doesn’t end well if a nuclear explosion goes off in your microwave.

I caught her halfway up the stairs in a hug and explained that I wasn’t mad.  That the situation was just so startling and that’s why all the yelling and ducking happened.  That nothing was hurt.  That it was all ok.  That her burrito was ready to eat if she still wanted it (was that the right thing to do or was it hopelessly irradiated at that point?!).

Anyway…back to me.  I took this all as a sign.  As far-fetched as it seems, I believe I’m supposed to intuit something here about my own life.  Maybe something along the lines of…everyone knows how to get a high-paying marketing job, yet no one mentions it??  Or…just use your powers of observation and it will come to you?  Or…even…there was a talk my mom was supposed to give you (or at a minimum, a pamphlet on the topic) but I missed it!

Perhaps I’ll just try the cry-and-run-upstairs methodology to see where that gets me!?

Ding!  Bean and cheese burrito anyone?!

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