Under Where?

One day, when I was like seven years old (so really just a few years ago) unbeknownst to me, my older sisters dumped the entire contents of my underwear drawer out the bedroom window.  My bedroom was on the second floor of the house and faced the street, which means my underwear landed all over the bushes in the front of the house and was therefore visible to anyone in the neighborhood who had eyeballs.

When my father came home from work that evening, he walked in demanding to know WHOSE UNDERWEAR WAS ALL OVER THE FRONT YARD?!?

Uhhhh, not mine.  I had been playing in the BACK yard and hadn’t been anywhere near the FRONT of the house.  And I sure as snot hadn’t been strategically draping my Carter Spanky Pants ANYWHERE, so I quickly denied ownership.  That’s when the sheepish looks exchanged by my sisters clued EVERYONE in to the fact that it WAS my underwear – as punishment for some “messy room” infraction – that had been sitting out front for the better part of the day.   Noooo, that’s not incredibly awful and monumentally embarrassing! 

I’ve told my kids this underwear story a time or two.  Ohhh, no reason.  But messy rooms are ANNOYING as CRAP!  And “family lore” works in achieving “clean room” results.  Don’t even tell me YOU’RE above threatening your kids about their messy rooms.  Don’t even.  ‘Cause if you do, I’m on my way over to your house RIGHT NOW to start flinging your flea-bitten Underoos where all the neighbors can get a good look-see.

So imagine Sonny’s horror when he called me on my cell phone the other day to let me know he had found a pair of my underwear on the lounge chair on the back patio.  Like someone had begun Operation Underwear on me YET AGAIN or something. 

Me to Sonny: Accck!  What?!  WHAT?!?  How did my underwear get out there?!?  Are my sisters at the house by any chance??  Anyway, that’s embarrassing.  Did you at least bring them in?!

Sonny to Me:  No.  I just called you.

Me to Sonny:  Ok.  Thanks.  But can you please BRING THE UNDERWEAR INSIDE SO THE NEIGHBORS CAN’T SEE IT?!? 

One minute later Sonny calls back to report the following:

Sonny to Me: I brought the underwear in and guess what?  There were Lego pieces on top of it!

Weirder and weirder.  Couldn’t be my sisters; They live in Virginia and I live in Colorado now.  So either the wackiest underwear thief has visited my house and left evidence…or the DOG got ahold of all the most verboten stuff he could find and created a pack rat stash in plain sight on the lounge chair.  I’m voting for the dog, because otherwise?  The Lego piece component is inexplicable and greatly, greatly concerning.

Oh!  Before I forget!!  The other thing I wanted to say was: Look UNDER THERE!

Under where?

My point exactly.  Heh, heh, heh.

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