Twinkies

They have made a comeback which Hostess* is touting as the sweetest in the world.  Saved from the brink of extinction – Twinkies  are baaaaAAAACK!

But should they be?!?

I walked into Wal-Mart the other day & there was a huge stand of them RIGHT THERE.   Thinking my children had never had them and it might be a fun novelty to try, I bought a box.  [I know.  I know.  I’m an End-cap Marketers dream-come-true.]

When I got home, it turned out the kids HAVE had them before.  [When?  How??  NEVER on my watch – that’s for dang sure!]  And they LOVE them!!!

Really, what’s NOT to love??  A yellow, cream-filled sponge cake that tastes like….a sponge, fresh out of the package-which-has-kept-it-oddly-moist-until-now.  In fact, that’s how they make Twinkies.  They take a fresh sponge, remove the green scrubber top, form the remaining yellow-ness into a shape that does not naturally occur in nature, and fill it with sweetened shortening.

Yes.  This is absolutely how they make Twinkies.

I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP!!

They also include a fun…er…ingredient called sodium acid pyrophosphate which has the added benefit of making your tongue tingle (burn?  itch??) in an uncomfortable way when you eat a Twinkie.

In fact, with all the many other fun…er…ingredients they contain, Twinkies can actually stay fresh long after a nuclear holocaust has occurred (take note, Doomsday Preppers.  You’ll want these for your dessert stash).   And if you’re lost in the woods, you can start a fire with them.  [I know my Latin.  And ‘pyro’ – as in sodium acid PYROphosphate – is derived from the word ‘pyromaniacs’ who are people who like to start fires when they’re lost in the woods.]

In summation, Twinkies are a shining example of American know-how and ingenuity; Free market economics at its best.  They are a nutritious, tasty treat for people of all ages and walks of life.

Well.  Perfect for everyone except Vegetarians, that is.  Because Twinkies contain beef fat.  Who would have guessed?!

Yum** – please pass me another!

 

*As a side note, does anyone else think ‘Hostess’ is a dumb, outdated name for a company?!?  It also starts to sound weird if you say it too many times in a row.

**When I say “Yum!” I really mean, “Why does my tongue burn and itch – and why are the taste buds actually JUMPING out of my mouth?!?”

Leave a Reply