The Open Field

Ok…True Confession Time.  Right here.  Right now.

[Note: if you currently think of me as a funny friend who has a few quirks which make me interesting – then rock on wit’ yer bad self.  If however, you feel I am completely off my rocker and have been for some time, then DO NOT read this blog.  Because it will just confirm for you that not only am I off my rocker, but that I’ve been off my rocker for so long it’s now broken and dusty and has been placed on the curb for trash pick-up.]

I walk the dog past an open field.  Which I’m worried may contain a dead body.  (Come ON!  I can’t be the only one who worries that at some point in their life they’ll accidentally see a dead body in an open field.  COME.  ON!!!)

I walk past this field so frequently, that I’ve developed a “what to do in case I see a dead body” protocol.  It goes like this:

  • If the body is naked – or clearly dismembered – I will just stand on the sidewalk and call the police.  Ditto if the body is near prairie dogs or crows.
  • However, if the body is fairly close to the road and dressed, I may go closer and call out.  For sure-sies I’m calling the cops on this one as well, but I say ‘may’ on the other stuff because I haven’t quite decided to do this or not since there might be snakes.  (Hey!  It’s an open field, remember?!)  I remain flexible here.
  • Finally, if the body is very near the sidewalk I’ll assume (hope?) it’s more of twisted-ankle-sustained-while-walking-through-the-field situation and offer assistance/feel for a pulse.

I like to think of this all as ‘being prepared’.  If you like to think of the body-in-the-open-field fear as ‘being crazy’ (I’m talking to you here, off-her-broken-and-dusty rocker contingent), then I won’t even TELL YOU what I fear might be in all those black garbage bags on the side of the road.  Nope.  Not gonna do it.

To those who think of me as a funny-friend-with-a-few-quirks?  Call me.  We’ll talk.

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