String Theory

So…remember the other day when I discussed the dog’s gross new habit??

How I long for those halcyon days of summer when drinking out of the toilet was the nastiest thing he did.

‘Cause you know what?  The toilet water was child’s play and he’s moved on to a more disgusting habit.  A horrible.  Indescribable.  Habit.

(Dad, look away and read NO FURTHER!)

What’s this new habit I speak of?

The new habit is…eating tampons.  Used ones.  Gaaack!!  GAAAACKKKKKK!!!!

Why the gagging?  A) TOTALLY gross, right?!?  and B) Please see pic below for what they look like when they come out the other end.  GAAAAACCCCCKKKKKKK!!!

Hubby originally thought the dog ate a ROPE.  I originally thought he ate a warren of baby bunnies.  But when I couldn’t spot any bones or discernible body parts (I just saw what looked like a lot of…wool??  Could he have eaten a SHEEP without us knowing it?!?) – I started to worry that he may have pooped out his own intestines.

Until I saw the tell-tale string.

And speaking of string…that’s what we have to worry about MOST when a dog consumes tampons.  At least that’s what our vet said after the $75 visit to her the other day.  You see, the string can SAW through stuff.  (Good to know if MacGyver & I ever get stuck in prison and I only have a bobby pin, a gum wrapper and…a tampon!)

Actually, while the string is the BIGGEST concern, the other concern is how big the tampons can swell.  This in turn can block various important OPENINGS inside the body (uh – yeah – that’s kinda the point, isn’t it??)

DAD! I thought I told you to stop reading a while ago!!!  Stop reading NOW!!

In addition to the outlay of cash, this whole fiasco necessitated an embarrassing conversation with the VET about things like “flow” and tampon “size” and the ding-bat dog had no idea we were there for anything other than to say hi to the nice lady in the smelly office.  Are 500 mls of injected fluid, stomach palpations and rectal exams all part of a cheery “hi-ho” in your world??  Nope.  Mine either.  But then again, I don’t eat tampons.

Which leads me to a proclamation of my own, recently discovered, string theory:  String.  Don’t eat it.  Or anything it’s attached to.   ‘Nuf said.

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