Safety Zone

Let’s pause for a moment and discuss the New Mexico (Mexican?) highway “Safety Zone” concept.  What do YOU think a Safety Zone is?  Quick!  I’ll give you three seconds to come up with an answer…

One one thousand

Two one thousand

Three one thousand

Ok.  Time’s up!  And were you really reading the ‘one one thousand’ part?!  If so, then you’re worse than I am when it comes to numbers – if you had to READ the seconds.  Geesh.  You should really learn them by heart.  It makes life so much easier when you know the seconds by heart.  Trust me. 

Anyway, what do you think a “Safety Zone” on the New Mexican highway system is?  (Hmmm, “Mexican” seems almost racist.  Maybe it should be New Mexico-an?) 

If you thought it was a place where your car would be completely safe from UFO sightings or extraterrestrial probings…then we must be TWINS!!!  Because that’s what I thought.  But we’re both wrong.  And you’re the evil twin.  I’m the nice twin.  Everyone always says so.

A “Safety Zone” on the New Mexicoan (yeah, much better) highway is where your car is LEAST safe.  In fact, any section of highway designated a “Safety Zone” is extremely treacherous and is one of the highest traffic-fatality-producing stretches of road in the land.

Uh….bass ackwards much?  My suggestion for more specific and descriptive signage would go something like this: WARNING – YOU ARE NOW ENTERING A DEATH SECTOR.  EXTREME CAUTION REQUIRED!!!

Because Safety Zone implies that you are SAFE in this ZONE.  Right, Twin-y twin twin?  But you’re not.  Not by the hair of my Twin-y twin twin!  You’re the LEAST safe in that ZONE as you have ever been. 

So do not LOOK at your MP3 player while you’re in a Safety Zone!  YOU’RE NOT SAFE!  DON’T EVEN FRICKIN’ GLANCE AT IT!!  THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I’VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT!!!   EYES ON THE ROAAAAADDDDD!!! (Hi, Hubby.  Remember how much fun we had with that?  When that gust of wind came along??  Awwww…fun times.  Fun, fun New Mexicoan roadtrip times.  When we learned about Safety Zones.  So fun.)

That’s it.  That’s all I wanted to say about the New Mexicoan highway Safety Zone concept.  Other than this:  Does anyone else have that song* stuck in their head now?? 

S-s-s-s A-a-a-a F-f-f-f E-e-e-e T-t-t-t Y-y-y-y! 
Safe, ZONE! 
Safety zone 
Is it safe to zone 
Is it safe to zone [Refrain 6x]

*Why yes, that is a riff on “Safety Dance.”  By Men Without Hats.  Released in the U.S. in March of 1983.  And I continue to give you a complete FACIAL when it comes to the “80’s song for every moment in life” game we play.  Beware!  You are now entering an 80’s song SAFETY ZONE!  Is it safe to zone?!?

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