Ok.  Before we go any further in this “Airport Experience” series of blogs, we need to address the stank elephant in the room…

For the love of all that’s holy, WHAT is going on in the women’s bathroom at the airport?! 

Because the faux pine scent that’s being used to cover up whatever is happening in those bathrooms??  It actually has the opposite effect and instead makes the whole experience a million times worse.

It’s like Bizarro World Narnia.  You step through the door at the back of the wardrobe, and you suddenly find yourself in a deep, lush woodland of primeval evergreens.  But something’s…off.  Not.  Quite.  Right.  Is the gas lantern burning at the edge of the woods?  No.  Is it the snow that’s softly falling??  No.  Not that either.  It’s hard to describe.  It’s more of a…[SNIFFFFF!]

Accck!  GAAAACCKKKKKKK!  What is that SMELL?!? 

Wait a second!  This isn’t a magical land!!  This is an AIRPORT BATHROOM!!!  And it smells like they just dragged an entire fake pine-forest-in-winter through here in order to dispose of the…dead bodies.  Not only did it NOT “freshen things up,” but it tipped you off to the fact that something so horrific has happened in here, that it must never be mentioned.

But I’m breaking the silence!

[chanting, with fist raised] No more pine-y fresh scent!  No more pine-y fresh scent!  No more pine-y fresh scent!

At a minimum, find a better scent!  At a minimum, find a better scent!  [petering out because this no longer lends itself to chanting]

Oh!  And also?  My Dear Sisters in Travel: whoever is making the bathroom SMELL like a bathroom?  Stop.  Now.  ‘Cause when they say “take the show on the road,” they didn’t mean THAT show.  Leave THAT show at home.

P.S.  Hi Hubby.  Happy Birthday!  Aren’t you glad we’ve spent the last TWENTY SIX of your birthdays together?  Isn’t this fun??  Aren’t you so happy you married someone so…insightful?  I know, I know.  I love you too.