Did you spend the whole day with that stupid “What does the fox say” song in your head? Ring-ding-ding-ding-dingeringerding!…Wa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-paw!…
You’re welcome! Don’t mention it.
And yes, it was in my head the whole day too, so we’re even.
I even took it a step further and posed the question to the kids, “If they made a song about you…and about what you say…what would be ‘your saying’ that they would sing about?”
Sissy replied that they would sing, “Munga, Munga!” about her. [Ok. I can see that pretty much this WHOLE blog is going to need an explanation. So here goes: When she was little, she called all four of her grandparents (and Dick Cheney), Munga, Munga. Don’t ask any more about it. I can’t give you further explanation. Especially that part about Dick Cheney.]
Then – unprompted – she proceeds to say that what they would sing about me is, “Get started on your homework! Get your homework started!”
Really? Really??! This is the ONE thing they would sing about me? Clearly I’m going to have to step up my nagging game and move into more well-rounded hassling territory to include room cleaning and dog walking. Challenge on.
About Hubby she said the song would go like this, “Sports, sports, basketball, sports.”
Uhh…ok. He clearly has the same challenge I do: Become a little more well-rounded in his annoying conversational topics.
About him, Sonny said that they would sing, “He gives his mother Knife Fists!” and as he’s saying that, he moves in quickly and gives me a series of Knife Fists to my ribs.
At this point you’re saying to me, “Hmmm… what ARE Knife Fists?! They sound like loads of fun! Do explain!”
Ok. Will do!
My husband started the whole Knife Fists thing. I think he did it so that we could be prepared to defend ourselves should Ninjas attack. And I – thinking that Ninjas only attack under cover of darkness – initially thought they were called Night Fists. Until it occurred to me that when someone is conducting this technique on your personage, it feels like KNIVES in your ribs. Light bulb.
But that whole explanation is useless unless I describe for you HOW to make your OWN Knife Fists. To make up for getting that song stuck in your head (frog goes croak…and the elephant goes toot…ducks say quack…and fish go blub…), here’s a do-it-yourself guide to Knife Fists:
You extend your hand like you would for a handshake. (Note: For ease of explanation, I will be describing how to conduct Knife Fists with your right hand. But you would follow the same instructions for your left hand. And in fact you would want to involve BOTH hands simultaneously for maximum effectiveness. It is Knife Fists plural, after all. Although traditional ‘fists’ are not actually involved.) So your hand is extended, but instead of having some space between each finger, you clamp them together as tightly as possible. Your fingers should not overlap in any way, but instead should be parallel to each other and pointing forward. Bring your thumb down so that it’s in a tucked position. It should now be parallel to your pointer finger, and also pointing forward. (We don’t want any bent-back or broken thumbs in Knife Fists now, do we?) Proceed to jab your hands in a rapid, pistoning motion into your opponent’s ribs. Channel your inner angry robot while shouting, “Knife Fists! Knife Fists!” Surprise is key here, so it’s suggested that you approach your opponent from behind when employing this technique. If that’s not possible, then a rapid frontal or side assault is recommended. Do not shout “Knife Fists! Knife Fists!” until you are actually striking your opponent’s ribs. Again, surprise is key. And if they think you’re coming in for a hug, what-feels-like-knives-in-their-ribs will totally surprise them. SURPRISE!
And there! You are a successful student of Knife Fists 101.
That WAS fun, wasn’t it?!! Now feel free to carry on with your day. But beware of Ninjas! And…FOXES!!!
Hatee-hatee-hatee-ho!… Hatee-hatee-hatee-ho!… What does the fox say?… Joff-tchoff-tchoffo-tchoffo-tchoff! Joff-tchoff-tchoffo-tchoffo-tchoff!…