I’m leavin’ on a jet plane…

Don’t know when I’ll be back again*.

Ok, that’s a lie.  I DO know when I’ll be back again, Department of Labor.  And it’s well before any potential employer would offer me a job.  In other words: I’m all present and accounted for.  No need to keep looking at me suspiciously.  Move along.

As for the rest of youse – fair warning.  I wanted to let you know I’ll be maintaining radio silence for a few days.  I know, I know!  I’m all frowny-faced about it too!!

Until we meet again, I leave you with a few erudite airport observations (that’s alliteration for ya!):

  • Yes!  Stay at home mothers DO get frickin’ vacations so SCREW YOU!  But thanks for asking.
  • Why does the airport contain the most children-who-sound-like-monkies?!?  I mean, seriously, they could be arranging a traveler ambush from the tree tops for all we know ’cause there are THAT many of them!
  • How do ALL the annoying, slow-moving people spontaneously find eachother at the same time?!? Thus creating vortexes (vortices?) through which you may not pass?
  • Here’s a little tip: STAND RIGHT, WALK LEFT ya bleeping’ morons!!!
  • The word is ‘deplaning’ NOT ‘deboarding’.  ‘Deboarding’ makes no sense.  Are you confusing it with ‘debarking’?  Which starts to sound weird if you say it too many times.
  • Stop the friendly chit-chat.  I don’t like people, which means I don’t like their friendly chit-chat.  So stop already!
  • When the doors are closed, the doors are closed.  No amount of blood, sweat or tears will open them again.  I see this as a metaphor for life in general.
  • Why do I always get soooo sleepy right before a plane takes off.  Are the airlines secretly gassing us to keep us docile?!?  ZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

 

*Speaking of leaving on jet planes, did anyone else’s kindergarten teacher named Mr. McAllister at Split Rock School in upstate New York tell them that HE wrote that song??  If so were you as disappointed as I was when you found out some schmoe with moon glasses named John Denver actually wrote it??

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