I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus

Before the season is completely done, I gotta get something off my chest.

The “I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus” song? I don’t dig it.  I may have mentioned this before, but I think it bears repeating.

If you’re at the bell-still-rings-for-you age, which is the age I was when I first heard it, it just makes you think Mommy’s an A Number One floozy.  You come away from the whole tune feeling really bad for yourself, Dad AND for Mrs. Claus.

The visual of Mom and Santa necking under the mistletoe is wrong. Way wrong.  No six-year-old needs that picture in their head – or to be left feeling like Santa could come between their parents’ marriage during the most wonderful time of the year.  Further, it would NOT have been a laugh if Daddy had seen that nonsense last night at the obviously wine-fueled Christmas party.  It would have been horrifying, so thank heavens Dad didn’t see that nonsense last night at the obviously wine-fueled Christmas party.  Poor Dad.

And a quick show of hands for Team Mrs. Claus here!?  We all know she doesn’t spend a whole year fattening up Santa (eat, Papa, eat!) just so some OTHER gal can get her Christmas-party mitts on him as soon as he’s out of her sight.  Added to that, one year I found gifts from Mrs. Claus under the tree. They were the most wonderful Barbie clothes I saw at the farmers market earlier in the year.  The package was signed “Mrs. Claus.”  Oh yeah, you better believe I’m team Mrs. Claus.  And if you weren’t before, you are now too, aren’t you?!

And if you’re listening to this song as a grown-up and you’re in on the whole nudge nudge, wink wink “Why yes, Virginia there IS a Santa Claus” shtick?  You’re gasping at the brazen mistletoe balls of this song.  Outing the whole secret in front of everyone and their brother.  Even though it’s not sung outright in so many words, we know what’s what.  Also, it speaks to some seriously weird fetish(es) that don’t belong anywhere near Holly Jolly Christmas. Blaaach!

So no. No more of this song, please and thank you.   Get your laughs some other way.

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