Shortly after I published yesterday’s blog about April Fools Day, I got a call from the school nurse. She started the conversation with, “Sonny isn’t showing any signs of concussion, but I’ll monitor him closely today and let you know if something comes up.” Uh, ok. But that’s odd because I didn’t send him to school with a concussion. I wonder how he got it.
But she wasn’t finished, “Oh! Also? He just came from the principal’s office and he’ll be bringing home a REFOCUS FORM for you to sign.” Aha! Lightbulb. Sonny was living up to the day’s name and decided to do something completely foolish which landed him in the principal’s office AND the nurse’s office. This is gonna be fun.
Eventually I was able to piece together this story: Sonny’s bestie (to protect his privacy, we’ll refer to him as Slapnuts) suggested during snack time that Sonny climb on his desk and jump off. In order to understand the dynamic don’t of Sonny and Slapnuts, you have to understand that they continuously live in opposite land where every “good” idea they come up with is actually a really, really bad idea. Case in point? This classroom parkour scenario.
The teacher had her back turned, instructing the new girl on some rules and heard a HUGE thump and then some screaming. And laughter. And screaming laughter. And crying. Welcome new girl!
When she turned back, Sonny was lying in a tangle of desks. Apparently when he went to leap like a gazelle off the top of the desk, the desk actually squirted out from underneath him. So instead of “graceful jump” it became more of a fiery Hindenburg plummet-to-the-ground scenario. Oh, the humanity!
As a nice final touch to the disaster, Sonny’s melon-head slammed – in a crashing, concussive sort of fashion – and really not fun or funny at all because remember it’s opposite land where good ideas are really, really BAD – into the leg-bars of one of the toppled desks.
Yep. That sounds about right.
I got those additional details of the incident from Sonny’s teacher. When she emailed me requesting a meeting. Eeeks! Why do I suddenly feel like I’ve been jumping off desks?!? And laying out the consequences that Sonny will now be facing in the classroom. Thumbscrews for starters and then shackling in the stockade during snack time for the rest of the week. I’m to provide rotten cabbages for throwing. And no reward recess for Sonny on Friday. Doesn’t seem like enough if you ask me. COME ON! No I’m not being too hard. He completely disrupted the classroom, had to go see the principal AND the nurse, and probably gave himself more dain brammage than he already has as a result of all the hi-jinks he and Slapnuts endlessly come up with. My vote would have been for a dull, rusty guillotine!
My email back to the teacher started with, “Sounds like it was a bad plan all the way around…and he got what he deserved including the blow to the head and trip to the principal.” And ended with, “Again we apologize for the disruption today & we are taking steps to correct the behavior at home. [Off with his head!] We appreciate all you are doing at school to make our monkey into a human boy.”
Yep. Fools’ Day alright. Did you notice that was plural, possessive? Because I’m including Slapnuts in this one. April or otherwise. Ongoing, really. With no end in sight.