Crochet Chicks

Remember that one blog where I commented on how them Crochet Chicks is wack?!  Well…them Crochet Chicks is STILL wack!

Below is a sampling of projects from a recent crochet newsletter so you also can see how wack some of this crap is that they come up with.  (And you can just shut your everlovin’ pie hole if you have anything to say about why I’m even GETTING a crochet newsletter.  Shut it!!!)

I realize that I made a mistake in my previous blog post; I didn’t include project links so you could behold the wonder of crochet with your very own peepers.  But, lesson learned.  Here goes:

  • Berries in the Snow Scarf.  You know berries don’t ever freeze well.  And when you take them out of the freezer and put them around your neck, they drip all over the place.  Yep.  This scarf was appropriately named.
  • Sensational Scarf.  Hmmm…sensational??  That overstates things a bit.  I would call it a “Meh – it’s okay” scarf.
  • Snow Goddess Scarf.  Uh… if you’re not ALREADY a snow goddess, this scarf will not make you into one.  Just sayin’.
  • Bumpy Popcorn Crochet Scarf.  Yes, make this crochet project if you want to look like bumpy popcorn when you wear it.
  • Fallen Leaves Slouchy Hat.  If you want to BE slouchy and LOOK slouchy while you do it, then go right ahead, make this hat and wear it with all due haste.  And then don’t ever wash your hair again.  And become a doofus hipster.  That’s cool.  Also, I suggest wearing it with the bumpy popcorn scarf so boys never come near you again.
  • Sleazy Dress.  Yes.  Yes, absolutely make this dress if you want to look like you’re wearing a sleazy dress straight out of a 70’s nightmare.  I can’t even believe they would call it that, but that’s exactly what it is.  A sleazy dress.  From slouchy hat to sleaze – boy, them Crochet Chicks sure do run the gamut!
  • Scraptacular Circle Scarf. This was actually mislabeled.  The correct title should have been CRAPtacular Circle Scarf.  Because it’s totally crappy looking.
  • Snow Queen Blanket.  If you click the link, the description says you’ll feel like a queen as you sit in your living room watching the snow fall.  But you’re only gonna be sitting there all quiet-like ’cause Norman Bates propped your body up & tucked this dopey blanket around your knees.  So I’d give this project a pass.
  • Quick Fix Winter Hat.  If you need a hat in a jiffy (and you still use words like ‘jiffy’), then you should just go to Target and buy one licketysplit.  By no means should you crochet this hat.  So knock it off already with your fake “quick winter hat” challenge.  No one is issuing this sort of challenge, so stop pretending there’s some under-the-gun scenario wherein you must craft a project out of yarn otherwise you…DIE!  No one will kill you if you don’t make this hat.  Someone might kill you if you DO.

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