Costco

I have voted Costco the store “most likely to have the most useless crap I don’t need, yet which I buy anyway.”

Who’s with me on this??

I mean, you go in for laundry detergent, paper towels, and maybe some bananas (but only if they’re mostly yellow – it’s too annoying to WAIT for completely green bananas to turn yellow and then, once they do, have to quickly gobble up 10 of them in two days).

And you come out one-hundred-fifty dollars poorer with high-end face lotion (that will finally, FINALLY make you look younger!), a dozen frozen steak-and-cheese burritos (which the kids LOVED during sample time, but which they will decide they don’t like AT ALL after you make the first one at home.  And then the burritos will sit in the freezer for two years until they’re all frost-bitten and expired, at which point you throw out 11 of them) and two boxes (8 in each box) of solar garden lights because they were $10 off!

But not this time Costco.  Oooohhh noooooo.  Not this time.

During yesterday’s trip – I came, I saw, and I conquered.  I ONLY bought what was on my list.   Along with an under-$10-lunch for the kiddos and me.

And there may have been ONE unexpected side purchase for $29.99, but in the long run it will save me money.  In fact, it will save me so much money I’m now calling it “my master plan” and I’ve been patting myself on the back ever since because the whole thing is brilliant!  BRILLIANT!  If I do say so myself.

What could it possibly be??

A Wahl Deluxe Complete Haircutting Kit.  And while “deluxe” and “complete” seem a little over the top slash redundant, I’m totally psyched I got it so inexpensively!

I’m gonna use it on Sonny, whose hair grows like a weed and is the bushiest thing you ever saw and which needs to be trimmed every 4 weeks otherwise it resembles really nasty dolly hair.

And?  AND??  (this is where the “master plan” comes in)  I’m gonna use it on the dog!  At 50 bucks a pop for grooming-which-ALSO-needs-to-be-done-every-4-weeks-just-like-Sonny’s-hair, I WAS gonna go broke.  But NOW?  Now, with a-one-time-only cash outlay of $29.99 plus tax I get the following benefits:

  • Self-sharpening, high-carbon steel blades (which stay sharp longer!)
  • Guide combs (help you get the exact length you want!)
  • Large deluxe storage case
  • And Premium Pro Style Shears (bonus!)
  • PLUS a special value free, downloadable home haircutting how-to guide

But wait!  There’s more!!  There’s an easy step-by-step full color instruction booklet which ACTUALLY SHOWS SOMEONE CUTTING REALLY BAD DOLLY HAIR!  (There aren’t any pictures of people cutting dog hair, but pay that no never mind.  I can wing it since this whole kit makes me practically a pro.  PLUS I know how my dog should look, so I have that going for me.)

Honestly, I can’t wax poetic ENOUGH on this.  Here’s the list of the actual items included in the kit:

  • multi-cut clipper [which means this is mostly automated cutting.  Not that olde-tyme manual cutting which takes so much time and is so fraught with error]
  • clipper blade guard [so neither the cut-ee nor the cut-er will get hurt]
  • detail trimmer [we all know the devil is in the details!]
  • trimmer blade guard [so neither the cut-ee nor the cut-er will get hurt when the devil is in the details]
  • 1 AA Duracell battery [could I take this with me?  On the road??]
  • 11 inch soft storage case [why yes, yes I CAN take it with me on the road!]
  • cleaning brush [to clean up IN BETWEEN the boy and the dog.  Hey!  At least I’m not doing the DOG first]
  • blade oil
  • shears
  • styling comb
  • barber comb [what’s that?  How is that different from a regular comb??]
  • eight clipper guide combs – from a Number 1 (1/8 inch) all the way up to a Number 8 (1 inch)

And in addition to the eight guide combs, I also get a left ear taper and a right ear taper.  I think tapers mean candles.  But what candles have to do with left and right ears I’m not 100% sure.  Unless we’re now branching out into those ear candles?  Have you seen those??  They “eliminate” ear wax from your ears.  So that must be it.  I can cut hair AND clean ears while I’m at it.  I hadn’t thought of that originally, but that seems like an excellent addition to “my master plan.”  I mean, really, while you’re there, you might as well get it all done, right?

Gosh.  This is SUCH a great plan.  It’s all gonna go so, so well.  I can just tell.  [pat, pat, pat]